Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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