oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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