i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
