Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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