Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
MIDGETS
????
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize