I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize