Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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