I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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