one two three fourrrrnication!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
