Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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