I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
