Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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