You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
