Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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