The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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