Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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