That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
