I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
