so explain again why im purple
no
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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