Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
