i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
