You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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