just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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