who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
