Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
