just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
