Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
