i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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