Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
