There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
