Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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