hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
