chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize