it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
