i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
