i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just invented taco cereal.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
