I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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