The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
