I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
