How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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