Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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