Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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