meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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