Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
