Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
