Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
