Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
