Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize