After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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