is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She's just so happy...and so naked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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