I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
