I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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