I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
