I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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