i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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