If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
