I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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