i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
