My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
