We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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