im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
