Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
