Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize