The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's just like the Real World with babies
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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