ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
