How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
