it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
