Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
