I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
