I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize