I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
