It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize