I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
