Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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