so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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