My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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