Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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