he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
