Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
