Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
