Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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