she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
