Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
