im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
