the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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