hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize