I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
