FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
