Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
