I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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