nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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