After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
