I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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