oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
