Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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