I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
