I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
