Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
