Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
