and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
