You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
