We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
