I don't remember. Are we still dating?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
