I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
