I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
