Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize